Complex Trauma: The Problem and Solution

Complex trauma is tricky. 

No one DESERVES the emotional pain that comes from complex trauma. Not at all.

It's NOT a gift.

However, if the lousy stinkin' feelings are already there, they can become tools that point towards what happiness, joy and connection are for you.

I believe that women have the capacity to use the wisdom which comes from stress and pain to transform themselves, their families, organizations and communities.  I believe that the entire world can become stronger, wiser, kinder and more creative. Read more about my mission and vision here.

Let's start with what we know:

• It's your nervous system's job to protect you.
• It protects you by learning from past experiences.
• When it senses danger, it automatically begins to protect you.
• Your body interacts with your nervous system during processes of sensing and protecting. 
• This process is normal, healthy and wonderful!

Here's the problem:

• Your nervous system will be triggered to protect you in any situation that's similar to those older tough and scary ones.
• The process of protection is automatic, so you're often not aware that your nervous system has been triggered.
• If you're not aware of how or why your nervous system is protecting you, it's extremely challenging to change or transform.
• Remember, this process of automatic self-protection is a really good thing!  But it's also what makes healing so hard.
• If you only focus on mindset, thought or behavior change, and leave out the nervous system part, then you're missing an enormous piece of what underlies deep and sustainable change, and the ability to fully unwind - and therefore fully heal - from a traumatic response.
• If your original scary situation occurred in relationship, this makes healing and fully unwinding very difficult, because the very things that you want and need and are also surrounded by every day, are the very things that can leave you triggered.  Possibly triggered all the time.

The solution:

• A feeling of safety is the first necessary ingredient for healing a tender nervous system.
• Connection, validation and compassion support the felt sense of safety.
• Since your body helps your nervous system sense danger and protect you from it, it's also your most reliable tool in healing!
• Your nervous system's activation happens without your awareness, but your body gives you real, concrete information that you can easily use to heal the automatic response!
• So any tool or modality that is body-based and creates safe experiences of connection, validation and compassion will set the stage for deep and sustained and healing! 

Want to learn more about complex trauma? Read Social Or Relational Devastation Can Be Just As Scary As A Tornado.